SUNDAY, August 5th 2018

Dear Diary,

I’m here! I’m back! I’m so excited!

   It wasn’t too long after my birthday in April that I recognized the itch I was having and decided to get my MED (industry) badge back and get right back into the swing of things. I feel somewhat dusty since it’s been a few years, but my interview at this cannabis boutique went rather swimmingly, and I officially began my duties today.

   This place is super rad! It’s a small converted house which I assume was built in the early 1900s. It has all kinds of charm and character with beautiful art on the walls for sale and what look to be the original hardwood floors that still have their charming creaks in them. The place is tiny and can only accommodate 4-5 customers comfortably at one time.

   Everyone seems very laid back, yet consistently focused on daily tasks and maintaining customer satisfaction. The general manager is a great guy. I always enjoy feeling comfortable enough to be myself and the way he interacts with others allows and encourages that comfort.

   Today, was a bit of a rust-shaker and dust buster kind of day. There were so many layers to my previous experience that had not been revisited in a while, and the conversations had today reminded me that there was a bit of work to do on my end. A majority of the customers came in, knowing what they wanted and looking for a quick in and out.

   The first dispensary I worked at in 2014 operated on the deli-style method of personally weighing everything out on the spot. This dispensary is the same way, which gives it a very customized feel. There are a lot of products on the shelf that I am just now learning about. Two years of being away is a long time in an industry as new as this.

   I am super excited to begin this journey and can’t wait to see where it takes me.

Till Next Time,
Adrianne

THURSDAY, November 23rd 2018

Dear Diary,

Let’s catch up with one another, shall we? 

    I know it’s been some time, but I’ll fill you in as much as possible.

   This week has brought a lot of change into my life. Since I’ve come back into the industry, I’ve been having a bit of an adjustment period, if you will. The company I started with was super cool and super progressive, the way I like it. The volume of business just wasn’t what I am used to when it comes to life in general. After only about a month with that dispensary, I received a phone call from another one, right in the heart of the city. The pay was a dollar less, but the tips overcompensated for that quite a bit. I love tips! To me, those tips are what truly tell me when I’m genuinely appreciated for what I do and the care I put into everyone who comes to see me. Naturally, I decided to put in my two-weeks’ notice at the smaller shop and head on over to more money and the faster pace I was looking for. Fast forward almost three months later. I sent them an email informing them of my immediate resignation and am now starting yet another adventure. 

*wipes sweat from brow* 

Everything about that last place in the city was awesome! … Except … the leadership behind the helm. 

Nothing confuses me more than a company that fails to look after its own employee’s happiness and comfort. Aren’t the employees you have the sole reason this store makes any money, whatsoever? From seed-to-sale, people are getting up and working every day to help you achieve your marijuana dreams. So why any of these employees feel undervalued or underpaid or mistreated at work, makes entirely no sense to me. I’m not too thrilled about the fact that I’ll be losing substantial income at this new place, but I am utterly thrilled that I won’t have to compromise my own peace of mind by being there either. 

My sanity, happiness, and health are essential to me, and I will always place them at the very forefront of how I operate. I know that when I am at my healthiest and happiest, I am the most productive. I want to stay that way so that I can continue to grow, learn and excel through this beautiful industry.  … 

Okay … let me step off my soapbox now … 

About this new place doeee … 

I find myself riding this rollercoaster ride of anticipation and concern on the eve of my first day. It’s a decently sized company here in Colorado with 12 stores in total. They also have 3 medical dispensaries in other states and have two recreational stores open in Canada. I feel like this could possibly provide a great deal of room for me to migrate upward while learning a whole lot about myself and the industry in the process. The only concern I have at this moment is the placement of this dispensary. I feel that the median income in the area would not make it a prime location for high sales totals, nor too much of the fast-paced atmosphere I am used to. 

Regardless, I am a sales professional, and I know I can help turn this place around and help the numbers improve wonderfully.

Till Next Time,
Adrianne

SUNDAY, November 25th 2018

Dear Diary,

   About this last place I Budtended, … I really must just get this out. I had initially written a very extensive and un-sent letter to the owner of this dispensary. Here is what I said:

Dear Sir,

   I am writing to you directly as I feel this is a private statement that I wish to direct to you, and only you. Today is November 17th, and I am officially sending my resignation, effective immediately. Before I came back to the (cannabis) industry, I was self-employed for a combined total of six years. I’ve also found myself inside a various number of sales roles. Some of the best times in my life were when I was working next to some stellar coaches. I am so incredibly grateful that I had them by my side to teach me what I know today.

   I’ve had quite the range of managers in the past. The ones I have the most difficulty with are the ones who think their way is the best way, without caring to hear any other viewpoints and everyone just needs to do ‘what they are told, when they are told to do it.’ The culture that an outlook like this creates is one that is autocratic in its very nature. Merriam-Webster defines autocratic as “relating to a ruler who has absolute power; taking no account of other people’s wishes or opinions; domineering.” This form of ‘leadership’ creates resentment and an overall lack of performance, i.e., less a budtender cares to sell, less revenue is generated overall. 

   This is the leadership style I have been able to objectively and subjectively observe during my time working at your dispensary. I sincerely believe that there is a significant number of employees at your dispensary, outside of your C.O.O, that are not performing at their best because they do not feel comfortable enough in expressing their grievances because they’d end up unheard anyway. 

   The ultimate reason I am removing myself from employment with you is that I was not allowed to see my individual sales performance numbers. Those numbers are imperative to me for my own personal growth and professional betterment. I was, however, able to see enough to know that in the 40 days I was clocked in and working, I sold $101k worth of product. Interestingly enough, the report I saw with those numbers was a Quarterly report. My 40 days of employment doesn’t fit into a full quarter, but the other employees on the list had been employed for much longer and had statistics to fill out the entire quarter. The second-highest sales from one individual came to $77k … This person had worked more hours in that quarter and had seen more people than me as well. By losing me, you’re also losing around $30k of potential upside. I’m being conservative with those numbers. Furthermore, without proper motivation, confidence, and coaching, you’ll be losing $15-20k of upside on each disgruntled employee who just ‘gets by’ at work because they don’t feel valued or recognized enough to want to perform at their peak.

   Richard Branson says, “Train people well enough so they can leave, treat them well enough, so they don’t want to.” He is also quoted to have said: “If the person who works at your company is not or does not feel appreciated, they are not going to do things with a smile.” 

   Authentic leadership comes with a great deal of empathy, personal accountability, and emotional intelligence. The one thing I have learned from this experience is my passion for good leadership and am now more focused than ever to be a better leader to myself and others. I appreciate the opportunity, and I’m grateful for the time I’ve been able to spend and the lessons I’ve learned.

Sincerely,
Adrianne

… … … … 

Yeah …

… … … …

   Not every manager is a good leader. Not everyone is meant to be a leader. But in my opinion, no one should get hired into a management position if they don’t first express leadership qualities. It can create a very uncomfortable and unproductive environment. I never sent this letter off because I felt that, at the end of the day, this big old CEO of this dispensary wasn’t going to honestly give a shit, either way. I’ve come to terms with the fact that the COO he chose was someone much closer to him than I was. My say never mattered in the first place, so why bother. 

   Now it’s been written, and now I can let it go and keep moving toward the better things in life. I believe in a healthy, happy, educated and productive culture at work and I will keep improving myself and pray for those who wish to stay stuck in their own mud. 

Till Next Time,
Adrianne

TUESDAY, November 27th 2018

Dear Diary,

   I got my first sample today! Well, not my first sample ever, but the first working here. I oh-so-love getting samples! The best way to get your product to sell better is by getting it into the hands of the Budtenders for them to try. We don’t like it, you have your Research and Development right there. We love it, we will sell it very enthusiastically. I fully plan to start doing some product reviews once the blog gets launched and settled. I feel like I have so many vape pens I’m trying to get through, I don’t know where to start and/or finish most times. Maybe I’ll gift some away as time goes on … Gotta prove that they’re 21+ of course, but that could be a cool idea.

Till Next Time,
Adrianne

THURSDAY, November 29th 2018

Dear Diary,

   I’ve been transferred! I’m still with the same badass company who hired me but am now a bit closer to home. The transfer was recommended and requested by someone higher up than the guy who hired me, and I could tell he was slightly bummed to see me go. He had mentioned that he was going to try and get me back to his store at some point, but we will see about that. 

   I like this other location too. It’s right next to the enormous coliseum we have here, so there would likely be a lot of traffic into the store on days that it holds events. There’s some construction currently happening, so I have heard that the store has taken some financial hits, but that it is gearing up to be much busier after the work is finished. This seems like a place I can be happy to hold on to. They really appear to enable their employees to grow within the company, and the brand and culture seem to be more in alignment with what I want as well. I can see myself helping this company to improve and grow with more prominence. They seem to be on board with the blog as well, so I’m just happy as a clam about that. This blog is my baby and has been a brainchild of mine for quite some time, and I’m glad I can bring them along with me for the ride.

   On another note, I had my first big sale since joining the team. Over $1000 in one transaction! * Pats self on the back* … I would say it was a definitive team effort, however. The guy I worked with today is super educated as well and made the whole thing go very smooth. 

   We also got tipped pretty damn well too and were able to end our shifts on a positive note. Tipping Budtenders is the cool thing to do. I wish people knew how much even 5% impacts us. The median income for a Budtender in the US is around $12-$13/hour. No, we obviously aren’t doing it for the money alone if that’s all we can be compensated. In Denver, a real ‘living wage’ is around $20/hour which is about $2,500 after taxes. The average rent here is $1,500 with an average size apartment of 850 Sq. Ft. That leaves just $1,000 more for life’s other expenses. 

   There’s no chance in heck that I am allowing this job to be the only income I have available either. I’ve decided to go, ten toes down, on my cannabis stock investments. If people only knew how important it was to start putting money into hemp and cannabis in the stock market for the betterment of their lives in even just 10 years … *sigh*

Till Next Time,
Adrianne

FRIDAY, December 7th 2018

Dear Diary,

   I’m having a tough time getting things into words for this blog … I read the blogs all around me, and they are all so well written and scripted and … predictable. I don’t want what I write to ever come off as scripted. I find myself remembering back to old times in high school when unabashed poems and thought-provoking editorials were a part of my happiness; my sanctuary. There’s never been much of a structure to my word-art. What I’m having trouble with is this notion that educational pieces have a bit more structure to them than what I’m most comfortable giving. That’s all it is though … a notion. The truth is that I want to be as true to myself as possible, but still, provide my audience with the knowledge and love that I’ve been blessed with to give. I want to be their friend first and their advisor second. I want each and every one of them to be able to read into my heart enough to know that what I put on this blog … will be from love and truth, and nothing more.  

   Does a girl still need to eat at the end of the day? Yes. But I will not lose myself or sell my soul to get there and everything coming from me, and everything I affiliate myself with will be for the good of my readers. I’m so excited for this journey ahead and Lord I pray they love it as much as I do.

   Okay … time to focus-up. My ‘writer’s block’ is only caused by my own insecurities on the matter but I will get through it, and I will prevail and provide. 

Till Next Time,
Adrianne

THURSDAY, December 13th 2018

 I have been invited for an interview at yet another company … I have mixed emotions about it. I’m not the type to keep jumping around from job to job, but this one seems worth entertaining so I might just go to see how I feel about the opportunity. I wouldn’t be budtending inside a dispensary, per se, but I would be making quite a bit more money. The drawback to me not budtending anymore is that I wouldn’t want any of my readers to think I’m not true to my namesake because I’ve decided to move elsewhere inside the industry. 

   One thing I know for sure is that I will always, deep down, be a Budtender and will forever live and breathe for caring for others and educating them on the plant that has already helped so many. I’m not all the way sure where my future will be inside this intricate industry, but it never hurts to keep my options open to anything that will promote my growth.

Till Next Time,
Adrianne

FRIDAY, January 25th 2019

Dear Diary,

   I had a customer come in today who told me all about his life with kidney failure. I had a family friend pass away a few years ago; his story sounding so strikingly similar. To be completely honest, I saw a powerful person in front of me today. Kidney failure can take a significant toll on someone’s body and mind. I remember a man who used to come into the shop I was at in 2014. His bad days were so obvious, but he stayed so pleasant. His good days were a hoot! This guest today reminded me of my family friend and my friendly pal. The things a human will do to keep surviving are inspiring.

Till Next Time,
Adrianne

THURSDAY, March 21st 2019

Dear Diary,

   It’s been a rough couple of months, but I’m back!!! I promise to do better at my journaling. Writing has again become very helpful to me in how I process everything around me.

Mz. Shitty came in today … 

   I swear I don’t approve of EVER speaking ill on anyone, especially guests of mine … but … but … If you’re being shitty, I’m going to call it like it is. 

   I am damn proud of my fifteen years of customer service experience and am always striving for going above and beyond. At some point, there’s still someone who comes along that is never even satisfied with ‘above and beyond.’ This is her … Oh, and she will see to it that someone hears about her dissatisfaction if you make her unhappy. Seems to me, at this point, I could be close to hearing that she’s called on me. Many things happen, day-to-day, that are not at my level to approve. If I am unable to help in any fashion, it’s either because the Corporate Office explicitly said so, or the State explicitly said so … In both of those cases, there’s nothing I can do. It has started to feel as if I am walking on eggshells the moment she walks in and shows me her ID. Today she wasn’t in a talking mood. I swear I tried talking to her to get her around her mood, but there was no green light today. Some days she’s, honestly, okay. I truly wish it was more frequently, because she truly is a cool person when she’s happy and placated. 

   The lesson for myself … Her anger and frustration have nothing to do with any of us at the shop. I commend myself for being able to keep my nerves down while she’s in her moods. Her crappy mental state comes from her own situation and mindset. I am becoming more practiced every day at understanding that someone’s own mood has nothing to do with me, at all. This is a fundamental lesson for me as, too many times, I have taken things more personally than I should have. This has ruined times of mine in the best moods. No more. It has nothing to do with me … simple.

Till Next Time,
Adrianne

FRIDAY, March 22nd 2019

Dear Diary,

   Yesterday re-confirmed my love for this plant and the industry behind it. Last night at work, a lady blew into the shop. I say ‘blew into the shop’ because that’s quite literally the energy it was … as if it had taken all her strength to get inside and ask for help. She was quite emotional and very unsure of how to go about anything.

   As she told us about her being completely fed up with the pain pills, in so much pain but desperate to find another way, she would also apologize for not knowing where to start or what to ask for. There were a few moments when she broke her already-shaky composure and started crying. I was working with the homie Alex. We both have a real affinity for the therapeutic side of the plant. He was able to immediately point her in the direction of a strain he thought would be a proper fit for her issue. He explained to me later that it is one strain we had that gave him immediate relief from his own pain. I have had minor aches before but am currently blessed to be pain-free, so he couldn’t have been the better person to help her out.

   My heart broke last night, and I can only hope she comes back to us for an update. I hope when she does her energy isn’t as fleeting, and she will be able to stay longer for some real deal education from Alex and me…

Till Next Time,
Adrianne

THURSDAY, March 28th 2019

Dear Diary,

   I signed up to get my Associates in HR today! I should’ve gone to school and done this back when I was younger, but I guess there’s no better time than now. I have goals that need to be accomplished, and I am entirely willing to go back to school as an ‘Old Lady’ to get it done. There is a gap inside the industry that I am hoping to shed light on and have a hand in changing. 

   I feel on top of the world today, and my shine is immense. Nothing can bring me down! I’m not sure if I’m going to continue past my Associates, but this is certainly something that’s needed to get the ball rolling in the right direction. I’m just getting started on this path to greatness, and I am so thankful to be alive!

Till Next Time,
Adrianne

MONDAY, April 1st 2019

Dear Diary,

   Four days later and I’ve certainly been knocked off my high horse … 

April Fools … not today. Today really AINT the day.

   Nipsey Hussle was murdered yesterday. A rapper, artist, philanthropist, activist, true entrepreneur, father, friend, lover and husband was gunned down right in front of the businesses he created for his community. I am so hurt and have been grieving all day.

   I was at work at 1:00 AM when I found out. We had just finished our new Point of Sale transition, and I was gathering my things to leave when I looked down at my phone to see the news. I almost completely lost my shit right at that moment. I started tearing up and had to quell my anxiety attack rather quickly. There were too many people around, and I’m just not trying to let them see that. As soon as I shut my car door to leave, the tears came billowing out and the distressed sobs followed shortly after. 

   His intelligence and caring soul were something that I connected with very deeply. His most grandiose album, Victory Lap, brought out a very mature, reflective and confident side of me. There was a point where I was listening to NOTHING except Victory Lap, over and over and over again.

   It’s 5:09pm, and my eyes are red and sore from all the tears I’ve shed. His energy is EVERYWHERE! My healer, Lady Speech, told me once that I was an empath and a healer in my own embodiment. I am feeling all the sorrow from all his closest all at once and am so completely overwhelmed. He did so many prophetic things for the community he grew up in; All in the effort to improve the entire neighborhood. 

   The sorrow I’ve been feeling all day is the same sorrow I have felt before in losing those, literally, close to me. I had never met this man a day in my life, but something in me connected so deeply with him. I am so incredibly grateful to have been able to witness his greatness in Miami and then his show in Denver a few months later. I was looking forward to seeing what the future looked like for him and his grand nature.

   I am not the only one on this planet that is completely crushed by this. I can only imagine the despair felt by Nipsey’s wife. He was her most favorite person, and the love they shared was beautiful and aspirational. Now that I think about it, I need to maintain my energy so that I can send as much of it as I can toward her. Working on myself and working to be on a level where I can continue his goodwill is something to strive for; Keep pushing and get myself to a point where I can give back to the very same people he was working to take care of as well. 

   Meditate … soak in his teachings and energy. Celebrate his life and grand nature. He gave the world so much while he was in his physical form. While he is no longer able to verbally express himself, his energy will be there to guide us anyway. What I choose to do with my grief and his lessons is entirely up to me, and no one else! 

   Nayborhood Nip, your legacy will live on forever. I thank you so much for existing in my life, and I will never let you down. 

In true Nipsey fashion: The Marathon Continues,

Adrianne

TUESDAY, April 2nd 2019

Dear Diary,

“All money in, no money out.” – Nipsey Hussle

I can’t really write much else at this point.

   I’m going on vacation for my birthday on the 9th, and I couldn’t be more ready to just decompose as re-adjust. This blog of mine WILL be launched on the 17th … no, if’s, and’s, or but’s … I’ve GOT to re-adjust and focus! 

Till Next Time,
Adrianne

SATURDAY, April 13th 2019

Dear Diary,

Time is ticking … time is ticking … 

   I posted a little teaser today about the launch and have received a surprising amount of support so far. I am getting more nervous as the days progress toward my official blog launch. I feel my little critic making his way around my thoughts, and pray I have the strength to stay the course into official launch. 

   Yesterday was my first full day back from my vacation in Arizona. That little break really did wonders for my brain. The beginning of this month has been a stressful one, with all of the emotions pumping through my nervous system. I had set my intent to re-focus while I was out there and now feel my ultimate sense of direction returning.

   I’m so grateful to be back to my place of peace inside the dispensary with the guests I so much love seeing every day. 

Till Next Time,
Adrianne

SUNDAY, April 14th 2019

Dear Diary,

   My nerves are a damn wreck! So much to do in what feels like too little time. 

   Procrastination might have played a factor in why I feel the way I do … preparation and discipline are everything, and I definitely understand now how beneficial lists and to-dos can be in regards to overall productivity. 

   There’s a lot of discomfort in my mind and spirit today. Change and growth are uncomfortable-than-a-mother-fucker, and I have had to keep reassuring myself that this was going to be a great learning experience and that none of it will have ever been done in vain. This is for all the right reasons, and I should be incredibly proud of myself.

You got this girl!

Till Next Time.
Adrianne

TUESDAY, April 16th 2019

Dear Diary,

   I don’t really have a whole bunch to write about today. Lot’s of work done over the last few days. I almost, quite literally, locked myself in my room the whole day so I could finish everything. The blog and site still needs more time to be completed so I will be pushing back my launch date … 

   Not much more I can say … The path upward is undoubtedly never a straight line, so I’m taking it with a grain of salt. This blog will be out, and will be cooler than the other side of the pillow, very very soon.

There’s no need for me to stress.

Till Next Time,
Adrianne

THURSDAY, April 18th 2019

Dear Diary,

   Like damn … I couldn’t have forgotten how busy 420 Weekend was in Denver (not never) … but I might have underestimated it just a teensy bit…

   A group of what seemed to be around 12 people came in, ending an almost 20-minute lull in business. Super excited group, which I always love. Lots of questions and answers being exchanged. One of the guys in the group requested us to weigh out an ounce for him to purchase … but wanted to select 8 different strains to make up that ounce … 

   That’s eight individual eighths … cool. We don’t prepackage our weed, so that’s eight eighths we weigh out, individually. Cool …

   We are told that, no matter what, we must weigh the weed the customer asks for. That’s cool … I’ll oblige. 

   25 minutes in and the group is still shopping with us. Another one in the group and another one after that ALSO want eight … individual … different … eighths … to make up their ounce. I really wish people could understand how utterly tedious that is for us when we have a line of people starting to form. I will do it because I’m told I have to and exceptional Customer Service calls for it, but damn. Can we have just a little understanding between us that it’s still a highly annoying thing to ask for? That’s all. 

   Lord be with me on this holiday weekend. I am so blessed to live this life and do what I do. I will never take any of it for granted! I understand the excitement of such a new world, but lord almighty … Don’t ask for eight eighths on 420 weekend. *sigh* 

Till Next Time,
Adrianne

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